“Petrification is not ignoring; it is actually a state of not noticing.”
-”Kuragehime,” regarding a freakout so severe it makes the main characters go BSOD.

Job interviews, networking, and basically every social interaction includes non-verbal communication.  I suppose that nice little habits like proper eye contact and not fidgeting are supposed to come naturally, but they sure didn’t come naturally to me.  Therefore, I have devised a series of techniques that can help.

1. Get a Diagnosis
What are your worst habits?  Since many non-verbal communication problems are subconscious, you probably aren’t totally aware of all of them.  So… and I’m sorry I have to ask you to do this… but get someone to criticize you.  Ask your mom.  Ask that annoying friend who lives to point out other people’s mistakes.  Get a fresh perspective to nitpick your problems so you can solve them.

2. Avoid Slouching
Spending many a year hunched over a monitor has done terrible things to my posture.  This sends a terrible message – namely, that I’m not confident.  Then again, there may be some truth to this, as I tend to slouch more when nervous. …You too, eh? 

The former cause can be combatted by everyday stretching and reminding yourself to sit up straight.  You don’t have to poise yourself like Mary Poppins all the time.  Just make sure your computer screen is such that you don’t have to hunch over, and then do your best to sit as straight as you can, when you remember to.  You’re replacing a habit, so every little bit helps. 

As for the latter reason, you can prevent yourself from engaging in armadillo defense tactics by leaning back in your chair.  Let’s say you’re at a job interview, and you find yourself wishing you could turn yourself small and unnoticeable.*  Rather than withdraw into a turtle shell that you don’t have, because you’re not a turtle,** you can brace yourself against the back of your chair.  The counter pressure provides a certain security.  That, and you can think of how a certain starship captain tends to sit while making tough decisions.  Leaning slightly back makes you look relaxed and confident too.

3. Make Eye Contact
This one kills me.  Part of the problem is that whenever I go to a new place***, I tend to stare at all the stuff on the walls and try to read the spines of the books on the shelf behind the person and check the view from out the window and… yeah, I’m looking everywhere except for where I should.  If you do the same thing, try imagining you’re on the Enterprise, and when you step into the person’s office, you’re going onto the holodeck.  Tell yourself it’s the same old place you’ve seen a million times before; it’s just decorated differently.  The look of the place is of no consequence to you.  Now, focus on the task at hand.  Er, “at eye.”

The other problem with eye contact is how to avoid that awkward staring thing that sometimes happens.  I found a way around this too.  When you feel that it’s been to long since you’ve broken eye contact, refer to your notes and then look back up.****  Also, instead of staring only at the person’s irises, you can look at their forehead, nose, or the space between their eyebrows for a short time.

4. Don’t Fidget
This is hard, especially if you’re nervous.  If you have a binder or a pen, hold onto that.  Keeping your hands still, just having something in your grasp can offer that fidget-like I’m-doing-something-so-there-is-no-terrible-awkward-void feeling.  If that doesn’t do the trick for you, try scrunching up your toes or “fidgeting” them against the insides of your shoes (which is like fidgeting except no one sees it).

5. Sit properly
But what does “properly” mean?  If you just need a “safe” position in which to stay still, try mirroring the interviewer’s body language.  If they have one leg crossed over the other and their elbow resting on the table, then should be fine for you to do the same.  There’s one caveat here: if they appear overly relaxed, don’t copy them all the way.  Sit up a little straighter and keep your arms a bit closer to your body.  The interviewer is on their own turf, so they don’t have to prove anything.  You, however, still need to show you’re a professional.

6. Observe Tone of Voice and Body Language Every Day
You can prepare for the interview by training yourself to watch for non-verbal communication clues.  Again, I think this is supposed to come naturally, but seeing as it didn’t for me, I have devised a plan to practice.  Your subtle motions and inflections, volume and pacing, and so on all play a role in the “attitude” of the words that you’re speaking.

So you know that scene in “Taxi Driver” where he’s like, “Are you talking to me?”  …You know what?  Nevermind.  Don’t base yourself on Travis Bickle of “Taxi Driver.”  The point is, tone of voice and body language can vary the power behind a sentence.

I’d suggest watching a dub or remake of a movie or TV show that you know really well, but watch it dubbed over in a language you don’t know.  The meaning of the words are gone for you.  All that is left are the characters, from whom you know what to expect, and the attitudes they convey.  Watch and listen for what makes a character look strong or weak, confident or afraid, and respectful, rude, or a pushover.  Do you recognize certain traits you should imitate?  How about traits you should avoid?  Once the clip is over, go over to the mirror and act out your job interview as a confident person.  Get used to talking like you’re comfortable with yourself.
Note: depending on what language you’re watching, there may be leeway for cultural differences.  Keep that in mind.

7. Practice, Practice, Practice
A lot of these undermining habits are nervous compulsions.  The bright side is that they’ll decrease as you gain confidence.  Therefore, the more interviews and networking events you go to, the more accustomed to confident behavior you’ll be.  Sooner or later, it won’t seem so scary anymore, and you won’t feel the need to go armadillo in the middle of a meetup.

*Please tell me I’m not the only one who responds to stress in such a manner.
**That’d be cool, though.
***Like an office where I’m being interviewed.  Eeek!
****Some say that blinking will do, but I find a blink doesn’t last long enough.

-Tamara Hecht