This past month was absorbed by illness and job search issues, so I didn’t complete everything I meant to (namely, the art, navigation system, and minigames for the computer game I am making). The art itself is finished, although there needs to be more animations added to enhance it. The navigation is up and running, although there will be later alterations because there are areas that need to be redone. Finally, the minigames, I haven’t even started.
And I see myself slipping into my old pattern again. I find that something is taking too long to show a result, and I want to bog it down by adding something new to the list of things to which I dedicate my time. If nothing else, doing this monthly analysis has been helpful. There is still, however, a larger problem to solve.
The problem is not a lack of focus, per se. It’s a lack of faith. I don’t trust that it’s “safe” to dedicate so much time to just one project. Granted, I know I’m better off working on one great thing than several mediocre things. The problem is, I need a guarantee that the time spent on this one project will be worth it. “There is no guarantee, ” someone more worldly than me would say. And I know this. I just don’t like to get so deep into something that is essentially a gamble.
I will keep working at this game until it’s done. If it helps me promote my series, then great. If it helps me promote my personal brand, then even better. If nothing comes of it, then at least I know I did something. It’s not that I don’t want to make a game - come on, I’m making a game - how cool is that? It’s just that I wish my passion would be directed into something that I know will pay off. I wish I knew of anything that is guaranteed to pay off.
The lesson learned this month is that I need more information. I do indeed believe that there is a viable way to build a life if I work hard enough. I just need to find out what it is I should be working on.
For November, my goal is to find that out (or at least investigate it). With NaNoWriMo coming up (yay!) I will have regular opportunities to socialize with geeks from all walks of life. Maybe some of them will have some insights.
My other goal, of course, will be to finish up the animations and navigation system. I’m not going to give myself the minigames too until December, because I’ll be writing a novel and looking for a job. It’s probably better to take on fewer goals and do more with them than to overextend my resources.
-Tamara Hecht
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